In February of this year, our family had an unexpected loss. My father-in-law passed away and it hit our family, especially my husband hard. To say we are all still processing his passing is an understatement. Over the last couple of months, I have realized that grief, and navigating a loss, are different for everyone. Each person processes it in their own way, on their own timeline, and it is a journey - one that will never end. The emotions may change, but the journey of processing and coping with a loss will be forever.

In the midst of our loss, I'm also navigating what will be my last pregnancy. Seeing the baby for the second time, feeling the constant movement, and being reminded that we will experience joy again within our family has been comforting at times. By no means will the new addition eliminate our grief, I'm coming to terms with the fact that the next year will be filled with laughter and tears, happiness and sadness, and every emotion in between. I'm grateful for this little baby. It truly is a gift I didn't even know our family would need. Even though we will be welcoming a new addition to our family, which has distracted my thoughts at times, there are also other things that have helped me cope.

Therapy

For the first time in my life, I connected with a therapist who specializes in grief counseling. I still feel overwhelmed at times, but I was feeling the weight of the world and knew I couldn’t tackle this on my own. I was at a loss for how to support a grieving husband all while trying to show up for my kids and manage the demands of work. Not to mention, dealing with all the emotions of being pregnant during a pandemic. I know I will look back on this time in my life and wonder how I managed it all, but right now I’m in survival mode. My biggest takeaway from meeting with a therapist is that I need to direct my attention and focus on what I can control, give myself grace during this season of life and carve out time for myself - away from work, kids and daily life demands.

Embracing Friends & Family

If it wasn’t for family and an AMAZING network of friends, I would be lost. I can’t tell you how grateful I am for the support my friends have provided. Especially my husband’s friends. They dropped everything and were on a plane in less than 48 hours to attend the services to support my husband and pay their respects. I sometimes take for granted the relationships I have, but especially as I get older I’m realizing how much we have all navigated together the importance of connection. It is easy to celebrate the beautiful moments with a friend, but the messy parts of life are hard and when you have a core network to lean on, it can make the tough moments a little more bearable.

Slowing Down & Letting Go

This has never been easy, but I’ve accepted the season of life I’m in. I’ve let things slip, which has been hard. The house isn’t always as organized as I would like, my to-do list has tasks that are lingering and l’ve lowered my expectations for myself. Instead of trying to do it all, and be all things to everyone, I’m stepping back, allocating my time and energy, and committing only to what I can manage. I know this is what my body and mind need right now and as I navigate the final months of pregnancy I’m trying so hard to slow down and embrace every feeling (there are so many haha), emotion, and everything in between. This is hard for me, but I’m a work in progress and I hope that my reflective and deliberate approach to life right now has a more prominent place in my life going forward.

Resources

When I’m feeling uncertain or crave guidance, I always seek resources to help me make sense of my feelings, and here are a few reads, podcasts, and resources that I’ve consumed and leaned on recently.

This book, has really helpful in understanding the phases and stages of grief and loss

I’ve listened to this podcast episode a few times. A message about resilience, joy after loss, and recovery.

This site is full of great, and short reads, videos, and tools to help you navigate loss or supporting someone through loss.

I recognize I’m not an expert on grief and while managing the aftermath of loss is different for everyone given the circumstances, I hope this post is helpful.